and i'm almost there

Sorry, I forgot to take the final shot of the finished product. The oven shot will have to do! I made pizza tonight if you couldn't tell. It was superbly delicious.

I started with some homemade pizza dough:


Roll it out:


Perforate!


Cover in sauce!


Toppings anyone?!?!


And into the oven!



All together, delicious meal. Add a Dr. Pepper, and the night was amazing. A lot is on my mind again. I'm concerned that I haven't treated a friend of mine all that well. I have a tendency to assume that everything is ok when, apparently, things aren't. In honesty, it would probably be self-centeredness. I think things are ok in a relationship, and so I figure that the other person isn't as happy. Maybe even seen as using the other person? I don't know.

I can see the moon as she traverses the sky outside my dining room window... she always gives me hope and inspiration. Something clean and new ever filling itself and emptying itself; rebirth coming every 28 days. Something to strive for, I guess. Re-invention. Taking nothing for granted every cycle. Hope of a new day when I've had all I can take. The promise of more when I feel empty.

I hope I can help fill your emptiness, my friend.

Sleep well.

nobody needs to know

Ah, life is interesting - as always! Snow has been covering the little town that I live in. They tell me that I'll be getting a nice covering of ice as well - won't that be fun! Still remodeling the room - working on painting the closet now. A lot of crevices - it's time consuming work. Also a bit tiring on the arms. It'll all be worth it in the end! The painting should be done tonightish, then we start the mass cleaning of the rest of the room. Then, I'll start bringing stuff back in, reorganizing, and throwing out other things that need removing.

It has been an interesting week. Overcoming obstacles, being happy at successes, trying hard to work through failures and times where I didn't come up to scratch... it has been a fulfilling week. I find myself grateful for my friends these days. I feel so blessed to know so many good people. I hope to enrich their lives as they enrich mine.

There are so many lonely people out there and I have been graced with this assortment of people that care about me as I care about them. That help me as I help them. Improve my life while I improve theirs.


There is more to say, but not enough time to say it in. For now, sleep well, my friend.

i open myself one stitch at a time

This, my friends, is the creation of the day. In my family, we call it Chess Cake. A simple concoction made from yellow cake mix, eggs, butter, and powdered sugar, it (I'm sure you can see) yealds delicious results.

First, there's a mixture of egg and yellow cake mix:



Smash that into a 9X13" pan




mix together the liquidy goodness (I will not divulge the secret - mwahaha), and add it on top




Bake it for 50 minutes at 325, and you get the end result!





That might be the last of my cooking for a few days - time to take a bit of a break. Mom and I made the chess cake for our family Valentine's Day dinner. So many things inhabit the corners of my mind tonight. I am unsure of where to begin, or if I should even tell what is on my mind tonight. A great amount of thought remains unformed in my mind, and I do not wish to bring something forth undeveloped. I'm still working on my room - the first coat of paint is on. I'm hoping to finish up the main room tomorrow. There will be a special blog update when it's all finished! I've been documenting the entire process.

I'll leave my thoughts to stew a bit longer - take care, my friend.

Sleep well.

i struggle to keep my balance

^ Lamb stew. I made it on Friday - it was delicious. I used the last of my Christmas yearling from my boss. I think I had a bit too many potatoes, but oh well. It's so delicious, and leftovers are the best part. This first pic was taken just after everything was added to the meat and broth. Slowly, the ingredients get swallowed up by the stew...




mmm.... stewy goodness




I find myself missing Ohio as my one year anniversary of leaving it draws closer. Tonight while I was eating out with a good friend, something in the air reminded me of all the times when my best friend in Ohio and I went out for dinner - often pizza. I miss him so much. All the others as well - so many times I'll never have again. When I went out with them, it was like a regular evening - a normal happening. Something that happened every week, quarterly, etc. So strange when you think about it - all those things that seem like they would never end. Somehow they phase out and we find new people and new things that never seem to have an ending.

Last night, I went to go see a local high school's production of The Crucible. It has been several years since I have even thought of reading this work. Watching the show was an emotional experience - the acting and delivery wasn't overly moving, but the script pierced down to my soul. Memories of when I did this very production in high school came flooding in... how my high school's Rev. Hale never could pronounce "blasphemy;" how we skipped two pages of dialogue in the courtroom scene and somehow managed to keep the story intact; when I would set the fog for the forest scene in the beginning of act II and then run through it to spread it across the stage. In addition to those nostalgic feelings, the story seemed like a validation of my recent belief that organized religion is doing more harm than good in the world. Finally, the story helped me to realize exactly how much people can hate things they don't understand. It was a horrible feeling and caused me to re-examine a lot of judgments I have made in the past.

I remained out helping with strike, then speaking with Jem for several hours after that. It was good.

Well, I must get going - there are many miles to go before I sleep.

Take care and sleep well.

i stand on a precipice

This little fellow stands on my dresser. For the moment, that is. I'll be redoing my room this weekend, and I'm not sure where everything will go at the moment.

How about some dinner?

Yesterday, I made some guacamole which you can see below. It was really tasty. I finished it off tonight with the rest of the dinner I'll show you in a bit.



To the side, I also had some of mom's chunky applesauce.



And the main course! Sandwiches.



Each starts by a hamburger bun, add thinly sliced ham, oriental chicken slices, and three types of cheeses. Mild Cheddar, Swiss, and I forget the third. One of them got steak seasoning and the other got mint flakes on top, along with some black pepper. After that, bake on a sheet in the oven for a few minutes until the cheese is melted through. When you take them out, on the top of the bun add mayo, cilantro, horseradish sauce, and lettuce. Put the two together, and that's what's for dinner!



ps. Dr. Pepper went amazingly with the meal.



Just light some incense after dinner to make the atmosphere peaceful and calming.




I came across an interesting quote today. I watched the anime Black Blood Brothers, and two of the characters were discussing states of being. The female asked the male in the scene if he liked the river they were sitting in front of. He was unsure what she was speaking about. She then spoke about how we were all like the water. At some points we are a river, but we have the potential to be the ocean. I can't find the exact quote at the moment.

It got me thinking... there are often times where we as humans are in a state of rest. So often we are just flowing energy, going from this place to that. It's rare that we open up our mental abilities to do something as vast as an ocean can do. Ponder...

Sleep well, friend.

i thought we had a little time

Well, I'm looking for a job now. Also checking out colleges. Sounds like fun, right? Also, I'm working on redecorating my room. It has largely remained unchanged since we moved in. The furnishings have moved in that time, but the paint is the same. So, I'm working on finding a new color of paint - mom and I are going on Thursday to get some. Then, it's off to painting. For now, I'm moving everything to Nate's old room and then I'll wash down the walls and fix all of the errors that have worked themselves in over the year. Odd nail holes, places where the drywall has been nicked. I'll post pics of the process.

I've been listening to the music from The Last Five Years for the past few days. I love it very much. The story is about a five year relationship. The fascinating part about it is that the man's side of the story is told from beginning to end, while the woman's side begins at the end and goes to the beginning at the same time. The music reminds me a good deal of Next to Normal. I particularly like the songs Still Hurting, Shiksa Goddess, See I'm Smiling, and If I Didn't Believe in You.


I also recently developed a great fondness for candles and incense. I've inherited a good deal of candles and I've been enjoying them. The incense was my own, side thing. It's a nice, soothing way to relax.

As far as religion goes, I'm searching again. Christianity really has me burnt out. Organized religion also hasn't done me any favors as far as peace of mind. I've mostly seen it used as a control device to indoctrinate the willing and the weak of mind/heart. I need to find my own path, make my beliefs personal. Keep an open mind and heart.

Let's take the journey together?

Sleep well, friends.

how to shave a head

The infamous haircut pictures!


The challenge: to bring order to the whole through design.




A tool of the trade




I think it's fading....




Aww... now the beard is gone.





Oh well





No, not much...





You're next to go!





The next tool of the trade... hehehe






I think I'm balding...






and more is going...





Not bad, not bad at all.





The last tools I need to use





Nice!





Order achieved!





How deep is it?





O.o






So, that's that! Sorry for the wait.

you're gunna love tomorrow

Hey folks - the main computer I use to update the blog recently gave up and died. I'll attempt to keep up the blog, but it'll be a tricky business.

Sleep well

why is my reflection someone I don't know

Well, there's good reason for that. You see, I had the novel idea that I needed change. I'm not overly materialistic, but I do have a fondness for symbolism. So what have I done? I buzzed all 6 inches (or more, I haven't counted precisely) of the hair off of my head. And, trimmed my beard (but, who's counting). Pictures will be up tomorrow.

It's been at least 10 years since I last lost all of my hair. This seems the right time for this sort of thing. I'm my own person and I need to start making decisions because I think they're the best for me. Other's opinions have always been an issue in my decision making. This was a safe decision that most people would disagree with.

In other news, I'm going to begin my memoirs of the week I spent in Chicago with MD - it's time that I wrote them down. That week in October will always remain in my heart with a warm glow surrounding it. Through that entire week, one of my favorite quotes from the movie The Hours came to mind:

"I remember one morning getting up at dawn, there was such a sense of possibility. You know, that feeling? And I remember thinking to myself this is the beginning of happiness. This is where it starts. And of course there will always be more. It never occurred to me it wasn't the beginning. It was happiness. It was the moment. Right then."

I tried my best to live out those lines - to be in the moment and appreciate it as much as I could. Now, it seems time to recount those days and moments.

At any rate, I'm off for another evening.

Sleep well.

a cornucopia of imperfections

Candles amaze me. Simple, elegant, pure, beautiful. One whole being, structured and designed with purpose, carrying out that purpose. Slowly, steadily working its life down. I have been living for several days with a mere candle for lighting when I can manage it. The design fascinates me - the wax remains in order to maintain a consistent burn on the wick. Think about that for a second - without the wick, the wax would remain in its cold state of being. Without the wax, after being lit, the wick would burn quickly without a control mechanism to keep it contained.

Perhaps I'm too tired to form deliberate thought, but this item fascinates me. I've been thinking about it for the past few days. Thanks to a prompting from a book I'm reading, I was prompted to look at things for more than their use as I know it to be. Watch ice melt in your drink and think about where it must have come from. As you consume, think about where products were formed and where they will go to after you dispose of things like containers and card board boxes.

It gives you several new ideas. Suddenly, recycling doesn't seem to be a far left concept being forced upon me - it's a measure I can take to help clean up. Just a little measure to take care of my surroundings. No guilt trip, just realization.

On a side note, find a good balance between holding your friends close and giving them room. A favorite quote of mine passed on from a good friend says: “If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they're yours; if they don't they never were.” This seems like a good principle, but if followed by both parties, neither one will ever return.

Sleep well.