We've Spent a Stolen Season Taking All that We Can Take II

The time has come for beginnings and endings. Letting go of the old and transforming into the new.

Several months back, my apartment caught on fire at 3 am in the morning. Everything that sated and secured me dwelled within that space. In the moment I walked outside of the building, I came immediately to terms with the simple fact that I might never seen any of it again.

So much has changed since that time. Much of the smaller things I possessed were salvageable; however, I find now that I don't really want a lot of them. When I was trying to find myself several years ago, I acquired and acquired as much as possible. Books, DVDs, kitchen supplies, towels... it goes on. I kept useless memorabilia from other points in my life. Boxes of it.

Everything tied me down and into that past. Don't misunderstand where I'm going with this; I respect where I have been - it has made me as I am.

In the months following the fire, I found myself trying to live as I had before it. Inevitably, I failed horribly daily. My kitchen had been thrown together and I couldn't find anything to cook. Clothes had been piled in the closet with no rhyme or reason and again, I couldn't find what I was looking for. Books, important papers, candles, you name it.

This led to daily frustration and disappointment in myself. This crept into other parts of my life; relationships suffered, my performance at work suffered, I couldn't connect to things I had enjoyed doing.

I needed a change. My life is mine, damn it. I'm going to make the most of it.

The choice became clear to me, almost as if it was guided to me. All I had to do was see the signs and listen to what was being told to me.

Let go.

I'm relatively controlling, and it hasn't been easy. It is necessary. Discard the pieces of my past that I have no obligation to anymore. Let go of the burdens that I've carried. The guilt. Unfulfilled promises. Acceptance of my own brokenness. Change the things I can change. Like reorganizing my kitchen so that I can find things!

It's all within my reach. So often I think I feel helpless by outside circumstances. In growing I've started to learn that I have the power to react to them. Instead of feeling helpless, accept what I can't control and spin it as I want it to be.

There's still so much to be done, but I'm working on it. I'll be posting here about my usual fun stuff, and now you can even follow my personal vlog on youtube. Check out my first video!

Thank you, friend.

I See the Stars Through A Mirror

Good evening, friend.

I don't know if I've given up on trying to chronicle my trip to NYC or not. It's all starting to get fuzzy. Some details are clear as crystal, and others just start to haze over in the madness and sheer insanity of it all. I saw Sting perform live. In a limited run of the musical he wrote. "This is ridiculous, what am I doing here, I'm in the wrong story..."

To top that off, a good friend of mine just published her debut novel! I know, I know. I talked about it in the last blog - but it bears repeating! Such a fun read, very well told. Check it out, The Beast by Lindsay Mead. It's also available at Amazon. I'm so excited about this one - I was one of the first beta readers to finish it, and I haven't been able to talk about it at all with anyone until now! 

The book is the first book in a Steampunk retelling of the classic fairy tale Beauty and the Beast. What can I say? There are hellhounds, badass heroines, awesome gadgets, memorable characters, and secrets lurking throughout the book that I have a feeling will all tie together in the end! I can't wait! 

How's life for me? It keeps going. Picking up the pieces after the fire, still. The new apartment is starting to feel like home, and I'm grateful for that. My own novel is coming along as well, with some encouragement from one Lindsay Mead. I'll be taking some time off in the next few weeks to work on both and to take some time for myself. 

I'm also thinking about doing a weekly vlog on youtube... much to ponder I suppose. As with this blog, it would be a matter of staying on top of and personal discipline... which I'm ever so great at... as you can clearly see...

At any rate, much love and I'll talk with you soon.