you have to move on

Well, the show's over. It's time to pick things back up and keep going. I'm not sure quite what the next few days, weeks, and months have in store for me. I don't think there's anything I can add on to that statement to make it more complete.

Anyways, keep a candle burning for me.

Sleep well.

the more you feel undefined for what you have left undone and more - what you've left behind

This is a tribute post to Woods. Here are my old age makeup secrets (it's really not all that great). Still, it was fun to do a little photo shoot while I worked on it.

The clean slate. As you can tell, I'm thrilled to start the process.




A layer of cream, also "Sunday in the park with George!!!"




uh oh - he has an eyeliner pencil...




Filling in basic lines:




And more age lines...




Adding some white and black to accent, also blurring and blending in the lines to make them look more natural.




It's a bit sad how so may of the lines disappear here...




Enter the world of the wig:




And another layer of crazy...




Somehow, I don't think I like the cream makeup for my beard...




I'm on my way to a all out grey mane.




And I'm done!




Or, am I...?




Aww, who cares - I'm going to be crazy anyways!




I'm that intense!!!






Too bad it never comes out in the after-show shower. Oh well, after tomorrow's show, it won't matter anymore!





Forgive me - in that last pic, you can see up my nose... Anyways, that was the transformation! Hope you enjoyed - sleep well everyone.

lift up your hands

A decision has been made: I will be completely shaving my hair off. Changes need to start happening in my life and it will be a helpful reminder to keep going. I'm currently knitting a hat to keep my head warm during the process of regrowing my hair. Also, I'm pretty sure that I'll look awful without any hair, so I'm going to be knitting several hats to cover the awkwardness. I'm currently working on one that is a grey heather, knit 3, purl 2 pattern. Looks nice online, we'll see how it goes.

I took pictures of my makeup process tonight, I'll post a separate entry for that. I could see the bi-polar come out as every layer of makeup went on. The facial expressions are the best part - it's classic me. Well, classic me on a theater/crazy character high. It got pretty bad - I was conversing with two of my good friends at Good Time tonight rather wildly. The Mountain Dew I was drinking probably didn't help matters. It was great to catch up with one of them who's off at college. However, conversation became difficult when I realized that college friend would be left out of the discussion if Jem and I talked like we usually do about the town drama. So, we attempted to include college friend - even talked a lot about her recent trip to the big apple. All together, it was a great night.

Jem and I are hopefully going to be hanging out this week to work on a few things for her job. It'll be great times.

Well, I should get to posting the pictures - sleep well.

or were you just being kind?

Two more performances of Into the Woods... I'm not sure how I feel about it. It's a great show and I love my part. However, I feel the pressing need to move on. This house isn't home. These people aren't family anymore. I need to go out and find my own home, my own job, and my own family.

Sleep well.

i closed my eyes

Into the Woods is beginning it's last weekend - I can't wait to be done with it. It's been a great experience for me: I've learned how to knit leg warmers; do my own makeup; do old age makeup; work with certain members of the local theater community with limited success; work with amazing members of the local theater community with much greater success; and I've been able to play a great, complex character. Soon, I'll be able to store his cooky and touching story in my heart next to all of those other characters.

I have to age myself for the show - it's an interesting experience. I'll have to take photos one of these nights as I go along. I wear a white cream in my beard and I've gotten so tired of trying to get it out - now I just leave in whatever I can't get out from the initial shower because it's not worth it to go back and scrub it all out. Particularly when I realize that I'll be putting the white back in within a day's time, it gets quite disparaging.

I've picked up knitting again - it's a nice distraction backstage. I'm working on a scarf for a friend's birthday. I think it'll turn out to be a nice gift. I'll post pictures as it progresses.

I'm going to begin writing seriously soon. Practicing here will be good for me. I also intend to post several bits of anything major that I'm working on.

Take care and good night.

no more beginnings

I need to write. This is the conclusion I've come to. For several weeks, I've had the desire to write. There was always one pressing question: what? Would I work on one of my books? Would I write more poetry? Perhaps I should pick up that musical idea I started about Macbeth? These questions haunted me whenever I felt the need to write and I put it away from my mind.

Then it came to me: blogging. I've attempted it once before. As soon as I had the ideas written down that I needed to say, it was done. RYRS began my ventures into the unknown world of who I am. Once I had a firm idea about who I was and wrote that down, I would change. This bothered me for a good time - I was concerned about changing. I realize now that I was irritated about the wrong things. I wasn't changing as much as I was realizing myself. I want to keep figuring out things about myself.

So here I am. I don't even know what I want this to become. I just want it to be here, with me. I intend to share as much of myself as I can. I doubt I'll succeed, but I intend to do my darnedest.