Good evening, my dear friend. As you can see, I'm up very late again. All day it seems to me that something's pulling at me from the outside. A force penatrating my spirit, leaving me uneasy. Laying in bed I realized the need to create and communicate to help ward off this sensation. I get like this every now and again: unsure and emotional. Sometimes I joke that it's my "man period."
I don't ever really know what brings it one, but I have my guesses. Big changes in friendships and work are to come, as well as several side projects. As you know, I've decided to take place in National Novel Writing Month in November. It approaches faster than I think I'm ready for. Such a huge undertaking, and I can't even figure out the name of the main character. I'll figure out, haha. I think that's part of the beauty of NaNoWriMo: you have to just do. Making the best novel isn't the point. The point is to finish one in 30 days. That means that all involved have to write over 2,000 words every day. In that time, there is no chance to second guess.
This will be very good for me, I think. Not being able to obsess and perfect something; just to finish it. I'm already building playlists, thinking of overarching themes and settings, an trying to get as prepared as possible for it. I think that's one reason I've been talking so much about music to you. Trying to get my descriptive muscles moving. I really wish I could type as fast as my brain can think! Just imagine all the work I could get done.
I doubt that the novel I write will ever be available for publication, but I really think that it would give me the self confidence to be able to get the other ideas I want to share with the world out into publication. It's a step. And that's one thing I've really been working on in my personal life: taking that first step. Many times for me, that's the hardest part. Of course, that then leads to the next hardest part: the follow through. Workout routines have never really worked out for me because I lack the effort to follow through. Then again, I really hate physical exercise. You get my idea, though.
I really think that's life, though. You take a step, and it's the most difficult thing you've had to do. Then, you take the next step, and it's just as hard - if not more so. Most people give up when they reach that second barrior in something new. Maybe the third or fourth. Somehow, though, I have got to know that it's worth it. It's worthwhile to overcome and move on to new and unseen territory.
That's sort of why I'm excited for NaNoWriMo. It's something I've always wanted to do, it's something to overcome. It's a way to rid myself of all of this unwanted creative dark matter. It just swirls inside me, a biproduct of the human existance. I have to find new ways to let it out in productive and beautiful ways. If I don't, it bottles up and tends to force itsself out in ugly and... unfortunate ways.
At any rate, I've been very excited to pen an idea that I've been working for the past few weeks. When I decided to take on a novel, I had to decide if I wanted to choose from a list of ideas I'd already thought about, or if I would do something new. I chose the latter, for the thrill of it. Well, mostly that if it was very terrible, it wouldn't be an idea that I held dear to me and I might be able to just chuck it out the window!
The concept that I'm running with now is heavily inspired by the works of HP Lovecraft, though I doubt that we'll see any of his universe show up. Just general ideas, themes, and vague images that give me inspiration. I was reading one of his stories before bed and this idea really jumped at me. To paraphrase, any hack can draw a scary image for the cover of a magazine. Only a true artist can make a creation that causes a stirring in us, that speaks to the unconcious portion of the brain. That's because the artist has had direct contact with the reality of what they're conveying through their chosen medium.
Those words really got me thinking. I have to portray this story in a realistic way, a way that sounds more like memory than imagination. I think if I come at the novel with that approach, I'll already have a much more quality piece of work. I think my general concept is that the novel will be a tome, written by a high priest of an ancient god that has invaded the modern world. The story will be almost a history that the god has instructed the priest to set to paper as a testiment to its greatness. How the twenty-first century found itsself crippled in a matter of days to a force it couldn't comprehend.
It's a bit rough, I'll admit. But it's something to work with, and I'm grateful for it. With those thoughts, it's probably time for me to turn in. Goodnight, my dear friend.
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